


La Lavande

by opiax



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Crossing Timelines, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Gen, Implied Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Romance, Spoilers, but she only crosses them in dreams...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-10-11 16:41:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20549357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/opiax/pseuds/opiax
Summary: Remnants of dreams and altered timelines flash right through Edelgard’s eyes, and for the first time in a long time, they are afraid more than ever of being alone in the dark. (Major spoilers)





	La Lavande

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: Say what you will, but Edelgard deserves better. ( As with everyone ;w; ) Also forgive me for any bad grammatical issues and such, my friend who would proofread for me can’t be spoiled of the game so I GUESS I’LL DIE THEN. FKDSLKFSDKKS
> 
> I hope you enjoy!!! Have a nice day!!!

Often it’s rather difficult to have moments of solace for the Emperor, going to bed isn’t much of a pastime for them. She envies Lindhart on that aspect, being able to sleep anywhere. Or the fact he could sleep at all. Still, it’s important that she takes better care of her health- having Hubert scold her over these things can be emotionally grating. So might as well find time to rest, and maybe, just maybe, perchance-- _ to dream._

If anything, those dreams are either painted black or downright a nightmare. Glimmers of the what if’s and could be’s would flash through her mind- what if her dear friend had chosen Rhea, or was by Dimitri’s side, or even with the Alliance? 

In some dreams, those eyes downcast themselves right at her, before striking Edelgard with the sword of the creator. 

“If I must go ...may it please be by your hand.”

_And no one else's. _

“All I ever wanted was to walk with you--”

Then it all fades to black, and Edelgard wakes to find herself crying. 

_Weak._ She feels. So very unlike the person she has to be. The Emperor has no time for such emotions and trivialities, she must steady herself to become the dagger that cuts right through their adversities. Not the woman who weeps over a ghost.

And to herself, Edelgard admits that her knees bend for one person and one person alone. Now if only they could somehow come back, though frankly- the dead does not speak. Or reappear, for that matter.

* * *

Sentimentality. Another flaw. There was no business for Edelgard herself to be here, back in Garreg Mach- a place in shambles and stands for the very ideas and guidelines the woman is against. So much, that she herself had started a war. Quietly, she chuckles to herself, of this rather divine comedy that plays out in the grand scheme of things. Oddly enough, Edelgard allows herself to close her eyes- to bask herself in the warmth of the sun for a moment. Recalling better days, idle times where she was almost a person. 

Nowadays, the Emperor is merely a husk of what she once was. 

They greatly missed the few moments of their professor smiling. How could something so simple as a smile could bring great joy to a person? She was beautiful, especially in that moment. Edelgard had never seen anything quite like her, ever in their life.

Clutching her chest, to quell the ache of her still beating heart- Edelgard finds herself praying for the strength to move forward. To bring a halt to her nightmares, to change the world for the better, not to leave things in the hands of false idols and people who play god. As if a god truly did exist, they wouldn’t dare abuse their power would they?

She wonders if she was no better, when it comes down to all of it. Releasing a sigh, she turns her heel to make leave of this place. Having such emotions would do one no good after all.

And then they were there.

“It...can’t be.” Perhaps she was dreaming, or perhaps turning mad- did it matter though? Especially since it was the one person they longed for the most? And without thinking, Edelgard lowers all her defenses, dropping her weapon- rushing towards Byleth and wrapping her arms around them. “It’s you…It’s really you!” _Oh how they felt so warm. Tears slowly pooled at the edge of their lids, this was so unlike the hardened Emperor- but it did not matter to her at all. She can allow herself to still feel human, even if it was for just a moment. _

“Where have you been?… I…desperately looked everywhere for you. “ Oh, she was unraveling at her core, breaking down her stone defenses as they held onto their dear friend like they were more worth their weight in gold. “ You’re here, I just can’t believe it ...I always wanted to believe you were alive this whole time.” She was soft, and Edelgard did not wish to ever let go.

“I’ve missed you.”

A confession uttered right under her chilled breath. 

“I missed you too.” They respond, with a slight smirk. “Even though it only feels like it was only yesterday that I chose to be by your side.”

Perhaps Byleth did not realize how romantic the statement sounded, but it caused Edelgard to slowly draw back to refrain themselves of feeling the heat rush right onto their cheeks. “ Wha...Wait--Whatever do you mean?” Her lavender eyes glaze towards the ground for a moment, returning to meet the pools of sea foam. By the stars she was ever so beautiful. Edelgard had to bite the insides of her cheek to to be so caught up in this daze. They could taste the iron, perhaps she wasn’t dreaming after all.

“It’s been five years, Professor.”

The look on their face was perplexed by such a statement. 

“It hardly feels like that to me.”

* * *

Many moons had passed as the once professor joined ranks along with the empire. The path they threaded together may have been hard, but there was an aspect of comfort just by seeing them in their day to day lives. On the battlefield, Edelgard fought harder than before- often so, that Hubert would end up scolding her for her recklessness. 

“You aren’t my father.” Her eyes would roll, had it been anybody else the emperor’s demeanor would have been different. She knew he meant well, considering how else could they follow through with her goals if she were dead?

“Of course I am not, Lady Edelgard. I am just pointing out how our last battle was a rather close call for you. Just leave the dirty work to me.” He says in turn, ever so coolly and composed. “ Or better yet, leave it in the hands of the professor. You aren’t dispensable, after all.”

Hubert wasn’t blind, as it was his job to pay attention to the little details. He often worried that his former professor had brought weakness to the Emperor. Considering in the game of war, emotions and fleeting feelings such as love is merely an obstacle. He had nothing against Byleth themselves, if anything- Von Vestra was thankful for them. But still, she was a liability that bothered him to a degree. How Edelgard would lose her edge over a person. Then again, this was a department he hardly had any experience in.

“Nor are they, or-- you. I put myself on the line just like everybody else.” A stern retaliation. He could tell she was irritated.

“Alright then.” He crosses his arms, tapping himself with a finger- following along to a metronome beat. “ I admit you’ve more than earned the army’s respect- but--Do your best to stay alive then. Or else this was all for nothing.”

A smirk.

“I’m sure you could play house after the war.” 

Edelgard’s face bloomed into shades of crimson, and before she could retaliate to his dastardly statement-- Hubert politely bows and sees himself out the room. 

“Why I ought to… Hmph.” Her eyes glanced away into the distance. Such an absurd thought. Playing house? 

It’s not like she wouldn’t mind. Not at all. _Damn you, Hubert._

* * *

This time in her dreams, Edelgard noticed how she was slowly turning into a monster. _How hideous,_ she would think, staring at her reflection in the throne room. Her eyes are pools of onyx, with crimson flames piercing through. The very image seems reminiscent of those people who had hurt you as a child._ Disgusting. Would you truly go to these extremes just to follow through your mission? Is tearing yourself apart even worth it, Edelgard? Are you okay with this? _

It hurts to see Dimitri, still being ever so kind. His azure eye shows warmth hidden under that bloodshed. Despite his frumpled heap of a mess he had become. That swordsman in the training grounds was right, he was a boar all along. Or maybe just more than that. A part of her wants to reach out for his hand, but really- it’s not his hand she longs to reach for.

Seeing Byleth by his side angers her to no end. _ How come he gets to have you? When I am the one who's been in love with you all along? _

She wonders if she’s just the same as everybody else, wanting Byleth all to herself.

With the last of her strength, she cuts him- knowing the end result is just darkness. They refused to accept defeat, but they also want this nightmare to end.

Unfortunately however, her final moments is just a saddened look from her dear friend as she leads him out that door- holding his hand for comfort. _You should had taken that hand. _

_You’re pathetic aren’t you, Edelgard? _

* * *

Perhaps she was going a touch crazy herself, dreaming of things that could never be of fruition. Or more so, what Edelgard was afraid of. In some scenes, all she could do was stand and watch while Dedue sliced off her head. Was this an act of revenge? A token of loyalty to him? Of course, it can only be deduced in those dreams--that Dimitri was dead.

Never had she seen a man look so lonely.

And with that, she wondered just what could she had done differently. It truly was not her to blame for his misfortune- if anything- she was guilty by association. And in some dreams, Edelgard hardly could have moments to explain herself. The worst part of these scenes, was that Dimitri was trying to meet her half way. He is far too soft to be a king.

Then again, perhaps his softness is what made them stay--

She pauses. Because the reality she’s in, is the one where the professor choose her to begin with. What was the point of questioning these dreams and illusions of trickery?

Perhaps it’s just the what ifs catching up- give Edelgard some food for thought.

_But what good does it do to even make sense of these things?_

These technicolor dreams were rather vivid, crisp as if she were really there herself. The emperor had seen scenes they wished they didn't- it almost made her prefer the dreams in which Byleth kills her instead. Rather than seeing her in the arms of anybody else--envisioning Claude embracing his professor after them accepting a proposal. 

It should had been with me. Edelgard would think, watching the two- while Regan kissed her forehead. He calls her his teach, his treasured friend- and jokingly- dear. It made the woman roll her eyes. _ Seriously? Is it because she choose the Golden deer, isn’t it? I swear, the next time I see you-- I won’t go easy on your ass. Then again, I ended up calling my crew the ‘Black Eagle Strike Force.’ _

As Edelgard continues to watch the sun rise beside the two, Claude informs her that he must be leaving. _ If that were me, I wouldn’t dream of leaving your side. _ Of course, she couldn’t make sense of the reasons why he couldn’t stay in Fodlan, but then it suddenly clicks-- he must had belonged somewhere else. Perhaps, this could be useful in having him as an ally. After all, Petra is a connection to Brigid and--

This was a dream. Well, one she did not enjoy anyway.

* * *

Being awake was much preferred as the days passed.On some days, Edelgard wakes early and drinks coffee alongside with Hubert. 

“Trouble sleeping?” He says, as his elongated fingers trace across pages of countless reports they need to stay on top of. Taking his fill of his drink, his gaze met hers.

“...You could say that. I’m not one for sleep anyway. Never had been.” The aroma is oddly comforting, despite how her retainer prefers things with hardly any sugar. Then again, he wasn’t known to be much of a sweetheart anyway. 

“I know.” Hubert was aware of the nightmares Edelgard would have throughout the years, he could only imagine how difficult it must have been to be afraid of the dark. And yet, somehow she still pushed forward to be a light in the face of adversity. He found that inspiring, that it would leave his soul rendered speechless as while he turned to her in awe.

Perhaps he should try something.

“Ferdinand got me this brew.” Stating his thoughts out loud- it almost was embarrassing to share. Thankfully there wasn’t much that could crawl under his skin. “It was a gift. I was surprised to hear he had me in mind.”

That shut her up. Edelgard’s expression was of shock, mouth slightly ajar. It wasn’t often she would hear anything about Hubert’s thoughts and feelings- especially things such as these. 

“What? Do you not approve?”

Quickly she shakes her head. “Oh no, nothing like that at all. I just...was surprised to find you smiling. I didn’t know that...um, well- You had friends.” 

_Oh that was rather impolite_\-- Quickly Edelgard finds herself apologizing- stammering on her words, only to hear Hubert break out in honeyed laughter. It almost deemed uncanny to see such warmth protrude by someone dark. Which made her wonder if Ferdinand did made him a touch soft after all.

* * *

As the war rages on, knowing she was to meet the Immaculate one soon- Edelgard ponders if it’s better to confess her feelings right before the fight. Could it be inconsiderate? Strange? Frankly, what if it were a mere distraction as Hubert implies? Though frankly, she would deem him a hypocrite, hearing rumors of him staying in Ferdinand’s chambers the past few nights. 

He wasn’t in love, was he?

And Ferdinand Von Aegir of all people? Didn’t Hubert used to say he was grating? Or was that just her, being frustrated by his unnecessary rivalry ontowards her.It was strange to find herself emotionally charged over this information. Not because she wasn’t happy for them- goodness no- Edelgard was glad they both found love in the battlefield- it was just…

Unfair to her, in a sense.

Byleth often would visit her, though the last time she stopped by- Edelgard couldn’t bring herself to open her own door to greet them. It was embarrassing, to confess she’s been working on a portrait of them smiling. Wishing it was directed toward her. For this smile was a recollection of her gazing at somebody else, taking their hand-- Claude’s a lucky man, his life was spared. 

A lucky, magnificent, cunning little bastard, indeed.

Oh what would she give just to be in their arms once more, just for a little while. But unfortunately she cannot allow herself to be so weak.

* * *

For once, this nightmare was surely nothing but a sweet dream. One Edelgard did not want to wake from. She lays in her bed this time around, with no clothing on her person- the sun rays greet the room with Byleth sitting there, playing with the woman’s ivory locks. Her smile was better than any other look she’s seen. Maybe it’s because this was meant for her.

Byleth breaks the silence.

“Good morning, dearest.”

“Could you pick another name for me? Hearing the word ‘dear’, makes me think of the Alliance.” Edelgard did not mean to be rude in such a tender moment, but she was smiling. Their friend chuckled quietly. How cute.

“Hmm...how about….” They leaned over so close, the scent of honeydew and flowers--hair barely covering their skin. She did not mind relishing in such a sight, if anything, Edelgard welcomed it. All of it. Byleth then planted a tender kiss against her lips. “Love?” Another. “Darling?” And another, pressing Edelgard’s hand against their chest. The sensation pricks at her skin. The very sound of their heartbeat. “My goddess?” 

This was too much, she caresses their cheek in turn, amused. “For somebody who used to be around the teachings of Seiros, that’s rather inappropriate, don’t you think?.” Byleth chuckles at Edelgard’s wit. 

“Does it matter? To me, you are my sun.”

_No my dear Byleth, that is what you are to me. My sun, my moon. My world, my everything._

“I could never take my eyes off of you, you know.” They say in rasps, resuming peppered kisses across the emperor’s silken skin. “I’m glad we are here together, in this very moment.”

“I am too. Really, I am.” Her voice softens, pained by the very realization she must wake up from this daydream sometime soon.

“Byleth...I...love you.” Might as well be honest.

“I love you too.”

“No, I-- really, _really-_ love you. More than I could ever hope to express in words. I’ve been so terrified having these feelings all to myself after all these years. You are my rock, my everything-- and I…”

Byleth stops her with another kiss, more passionate than before. It was as if Edelgard could taste it. She savors the flavor, sinking into this dance they have between their tongues. Falling. Drowning. Her hair was pulled, and the woman couldn’t stop herself from groaning into their mouth. Edelgard is unable to think, as images linger from what felt like reality. 

Her heart still beats on.

She moans when her lover greets her neck, and nips on her ear- whispering sweet nothings, making the emperor’s name sound reverend like a prayer. Edelgard aches her back. 

This feels so… real.

It finally occurred to her that Byleth’s hair isn’t a shade of seafoam, and that it is blue. Her eyes snapped open with a gasp. “I’m not dreaming, aren’t I?”

Her beloved chuckles softly, bringing their devoted worship of their lover to a halt. “No love, you aren’t.” She lays beside her, on the bed- facing her with those blue eyes Edelgard had missed. “I’m here, the war’s over. Fodlan is united -- and there is still more work to be done.” 

They were always so comforting. 

“I...oh thank goodness.” Relieved, to know this wasn’t a dream. Edelgard laughs quietly, adoringly. “Forgive me my only, I had always been prone to be living in my dreams.”

“So pray tell, you’ve dreamt of this before?”

Edelgard’s face bled red. “Haha...Oh how I wished it were so.” A dry chortle. “ Alas, I am rather pleased to know I am no longer dreaming.”

“It’s not terrible to dream. Well, sometimes.” Byleth plants a kiss on the emperor's forehead. “I can only hope I could give you many pleasant moments to relive and dream about.” They were sweet, once again toying with Edelgard’s hair.

“Do you ever wonder what I dream about?”

“Actually, I never thought much about it. What do you dream about, Byleth?”

A warm grin lights her face. 

“I dream of you.”


End file.
